


The Most Important Days

by rorystheromans



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, peterick because I can't resist, vague sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4793888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorystheromans/pseuds/rorystheromans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day Ryan tells him Brendon is numb. </p><p>He'd be lying if he said he said that a part of him wasn't expecting it. Yet, somehow he was still surprised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Important Days

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to Ryden hell. I might make this a series where I have other fics that focus in on specific days.

The day Ryan tells him Brendon is ecstatic. 

Brendon immediately pulls him in for a kiss. He spends the rest of the day holding Ryan's hand, and showering him with random kisses whenever he feels like it. Ryan blushes the prettiest shade of pink every time he does.

\-----  
The day they tell the others Brendon is nervous.

He would be completely relaxed about it if Ryan would stop fidgeting for two seconds. 

Of course everyone is completely.

Spencer just scoffs, "About time".

Joe shows his agreement with a laugh, Jon joins him. Andy stays quiet, but smiles from his spot on the couch. Pete's response is to just raise his hand that's joined with a blushing Patrick's, shooting them a reassuring smile.

All the tension seems to bleed out from Ryan's body. This time it's Ryan who makes the first move, pulling Brendon in for a kiss.

In the background they can hear fake gagging noises, Pete shouting that they need to get a room, and Patrick telling him to shut up with a glare. However neither Brendon or Ryan seem to care, smiling against each other's lips. 

\-----

The day they finally exchange those three words, Brendon is sure this is the happiest he's ever been.

The day ends with them tumbling into bed together, their sweat slick skin sliding against each other's. The room smells like sweat and sex, and something Brendon could only describe as Ryan. He's sure he's never heard a song as beautiful as how they gasp and moan each other's names. 

After they've finished, they lie tangled together in the sheet. Whispering "I love you", again, and again, and again, between gentle kisses to whatever skin they can reach.

\-----

The day before Ryan tells him, Brendon is suspicious. 

Things have been off for a while. Ryan's been distant. Never starting kisses or cuddles, and pulling away with a million excuses if Brendon tries to make it anything more. Whenever he spends the night (which is rare now for some fucking reason) he insists he's too hot to cuddle and sleeps as far away from Brendon as possible. He's quiet, even more so than usual, he's barely even talking to Brendon (which he calls him now, not any of their usual pet names).

Instead Ryan prefers to spend all his time writing, and never sharing any of it with Brendon.

Sooner or later it begins to affect their work life. Ryan's always off at practice, coming in too early or too late, and making mistakes on parts he could play in his sleep.

At first Brendon thought that Ryan was just bit under the weather, or having a bad week (or four). He finally becomes really worried when Ryan won't even look at him when they sing the lines written about each other.

\-----

The day Ryan tells him Brendon is numb.

He'd be lying if he said, that a part of him wasn't expecting it. Yet somehow he was still surprised.

There were no soft words, no excuses, no beating around the bush. None of the "it's not you it's me" bullshit.

Just a straight up, "I can't do this anymore. I need to get out, get away from all this".

There were no apologies, no sweet goodbyes, or sad tears.

Just a sad smile, and the quiet click of the door behind him.

After Ryan left, none of it felt real to Brendon.

It wasn’t real.

Tomorrow morning, he'd wake up curled up with Ryan, his chest pressed tightly against Ryan's back. Ryan would roll over and they'd trade sleepy, morning breath kisses. They'd realize they'd stayed in bed too long, so they'd eat breakfast as quickly as possible, before running to the studio, only to be late anyways.

There they would sing all the romantic lines to each other with stupid smiles on their faces, and they'd make each other laugh between songs.

\-----

The day after it's real, and it's raining. 

Brendon wakes up cold, and alone.

He still doesn't cry, he gets up and makes coffee, sits at the table. But it doesn't matter now, none of it matters.

There's no point because Ryan is gone. Ryan who's smile was the sun, and who's laugh was music, who's body was the only real home Brendon had ever known. Ryan who was Brendon's entire life.

And just like that he was gone, and all he left behind was a shattered man.

Suddenly it's too much. Ryan is gone forever. He can't breathe, he can't think, and he doesn't want to live. Brendon gets up and runs out into the rain, and begins to shout.

"If all our life is but a dream,  
fantastic posing greed,  
then we should feed our jewelry to the sea,  
for diamonds to appear to be,  
just like broken glass to me"

He took in a breath, and closed his eye, giving himself over to the song.

"Then she said she can't believe,  
genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues,  
dripping eyes and flooded lungs,   
northern downpour sends its love"

Tears began to run down his face, mixing with the rain.

"Hey moon please forget to fall down  
hey moon don't you go down"

He drew in a shuddering breath.

"Sugarcane in the easy morning,  
weather vanes my one and lonely"

All he could hear in the song were Ryan's words.

"The ink is running towards the page,  
chasing off the days,  
look back at both feet and that winding knee"

Another breath accompanied by a sob.

"I missed your skin when you were East,  
you clicked your heels and wished for me"

Memories flood in, from what feels like ages ago, of when Ryan flew in early so that he could see Brendon for his birthday.

"Playful lips made of yarn,  
that fragile Capricorn,  
unraveled words like moths upon old scarves,  
I know the world's a broken bone,  
but melt your headaches call it home"

His voice began to crack.

"Hey moon please forget to fall down,  
hey moon don't you go down"

Unable to sing through the sobs wracking through his body, Brendon fell to his knees, begging for Ryan to come back home.

\-----

On the day it becomes okay again, Brendon is hopeful.

The band is different now, new sound, and now new people.

Dallon is nice, and quite talented. They make each other laugh, and can communicate almost solely through their music.

He might be a part of the reason Brendon feels like he's ready to look.

He goes and grabs his phone, opening the app, and finding Ryan's page. He looks at the most recent post. It's a group shot, Ryan's there with about five other people, and there isn't a single one Brendon recognizes. Looking closer he sees that one of the others has their arm around Ryan's waist, slightly tucked into his pocket. Ryan looked happier that Brendon had seen him since weeks before he had left.

It's been a while but they're both okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to put Northern Downpour in there, because listening to it inspired this fic. Feel free to interpret the ending as future Brallon, I didn't necessarily mean for it to be romantic. Also the picture Brendon looks at doesn't actually exist, I didn't have service or wifi when I wrote this so I rolled with it.


End file.
